it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
