ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
BRING THE BAGELS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
