help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
