I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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