I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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