Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
