Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
