dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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