you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
