i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
