Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize