i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
