So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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