my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
