i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
