Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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