I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize