please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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