Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
