i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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