I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
