I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
