Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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