He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
