I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
