whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
false alarm. still invincible.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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