Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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