Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You may now shotgun with the bride
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
