my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
