why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
