Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
