We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
