I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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