This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
40s are totally the cure
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
