This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
