So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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