Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
