Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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