just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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