Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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