I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
