I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
