I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
