My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
