I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
