Already got asked if we're dating
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize