i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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