woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
