btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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