Me. At least after what I've been through.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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