he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
