At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
