I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
