I cockslap morals
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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