It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
