walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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