I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
