So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
