and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
4 words: hood of his car
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
