what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
