I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
