new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
