And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
