i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
