They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
