I accidentally had phone sex last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
