haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
