No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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