Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
