I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
