I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This house was built for laser tag.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
