if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
