I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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