I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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