I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
