you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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