His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
