the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize