you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
