Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
