his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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