my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i need some magic done to my vagina
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
