If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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