why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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