I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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