There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Text me some of your sweat
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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