sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
