I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
