Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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