My sheets look like a crime scene.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
