Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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